Raison D'Etre La Blog

This is a diary of my thoughts. It's my journal. But it's online and virtually anyone could read it, which is sort of strange. I have only told one person about its existence.

I have kept a journal from time to time, in different periods of my life. Not often. Once when I was a senior in college. Again when I was breaking up with Mark. Again when I went to Europe. And now. When I go back and read my thoughts I can see myself in the before stage. I'm seeking understanding of something or another and I seem so frightfully ignorant. The questions I wrestled with have clear answers now, but at the time there were so many possible outcomes.

Writing about it helps me remember the point, and it also helps me tell myself the truth instead of telling myself a story. When I tell myself stories they always start out with the truth, but in the re-telling, details get changed and feelings and motivations get attached to things that don't really deserve them. This diary keeps me honest to some extent.

I really wish it was funny, that my humor was present in all this. But all of that would be for someone else and this, this is a gift to myself.