My Tahoe time got cut short because ATT neglected to fix my DSL over there and it's not advisable to try to do your job managing web-based communications over a dial-up connection. So ATT, you suck. So I'm home in San Francisco and here's what's on my mind today:

1. I got my latest paint-by-numbers masterpiece in the mail today. I add this to my growing paint-by-numbers collection which currently includes a bear in the woods, a pheasant in the golden autumn sunlight, and a studly flyfisherman performing his feats of precision and strength mid-stream while two adoring females look on from the bank of the river. BEHOLD! THE STUDLY BUCK. Andrew's girlfriend was here last week and was admiring my growing collection and said, "these are great...are they all by the same artist?" C'mon that's funny. She may become my new room mate since Andrew moved his things out this weekend. His flight to New Zealand is November 13 and his going away party is this Friday. I do not know how I will survive without him.

2. I got a Free Flying Disk in my Laughing Cow bag of cheese minis. Strange that one of these mini cheeses is green, I thought. And it was then that I realized it is not a mini cheese at all. It is a Free Flying Disk, somehow folded and shrink-wrapped and reduced to the size and shape of a mini cheese. Baffled, I put it back in the refrigerator.

3. Josh. I am the definition of ambivalent when it comes to him. Almost from one minute to the next when I'm with him I'm thinking this is great this will never work. But he's sure on my mind. The first time I saw him I was in my car, turning the corner in front of the restaurant where we planned to meet and a taxi driver made a quick turn in front of me and then stopped to let people out, basically cutting me off behind. Josh was standing on the sidewalk and he smiled at me as I waited for the taxi to move and I thought 'what an attractive man' and I smiled back. I didn't know it was Josh who smiled at me because he was an Internet date and I had only seen a picture of him with longer hair but he had buzz-cut his hair earlier that week. I haven't forgotten that. I'm attracted to him sometimes but not all the time. But maybe it's enough. He makes me laugh and he's a good man. So...he's on my mind.

4. Zen Center night. I wish we could have snacks in there. I'm off to meditate on that thought.