Monday, August 28, 2006

Finding Kevin

I knew the right thing to do was to drive to my brother Don's house to be with him and his wife and kids. But first I had to find my brother Kevin and tell him what had happened. Kevin's homeless. He lives two miles from me in San Francisco, and I know this because he and I have dinner from time to time. He's been homeless for about two months...before that he was living in a single room occupancy hotel down in the Tenderloin, but at least he had a place to live. He's been shooting heroin and smoking crack for the better part of ten years and while he has gotten and stayed sober a number of times, he's been "out" for almost two years this time. He's seriously sick, weighs only 160 lbs and he's 6'3", and his teeth are almost falling out of his head. It's heartbreaking because he just can't stop the drugs. But back to my story.

I wanted to find him and tell him what happened before I left the city. I knew that once I left home I wouldn't be back for a long while because we all had to go to Illinois for the funeral. I wanted to leave with a clear conscience. But I was afraid of everything involved in looking for Kevin. Maybe irrationally afraid. But I was going to have to do it and so off I went...I got on the Muni train and went down to the Civic Center station. I got out of the train station and my friend Andrew called me. I told him what I was about to do, and that I was afraid, and he gave me a good pep talk. So I hung up and went over to some security officers that were patrolling the farmers market down there, sort of asked them what I should do. I figured I would have to go around asking other homeless people if they knew him or if they had seen him and I was seriously afraid of doing that. So it was easier to talk to the cops.

The cop told me that I needed to ask the people around there. He also told me I should go to St. Anthony's because it was almost lunch time and that's where most of the homeless people at their mid-day meals. So I went off to St. Anthony's and checked out the people in line for lunch but Kevin was not there. I asked the guy at the door who seemed to be in charge, and he asked if I had a picture of Kevin. What a good idea that would have been, huh! I felt discouraged.

At that point in time my phone rang and it was Andrew again. He called to say he had gotten a babysitter for his son and he was in the car on the way to help me find Kevin. Andrew is such a close friend. I love him dearly. I decided to find a restaurant, sit down, have some lunch, and wait for Andrew to get there.

When he got there he drove me back to my apartment to get some recent photographs of Kevin. I had some from Thanksgiving when our entire family got together. Andrew and I made a flyer with Kevin's picture and my phone number, and we started walking around. It took no time to spot a guy who looked homeless and a little bit out of it. We talked to him, showed him Kevin's picture, and he immediately straighted up and looked us in the eye. He said he knew Kevin, had just seen him the day before. He took the flyer from us and he pointed out a couple of other places to look. The guy was really nice, concerned. That was our experience throughout the entire day. Without exception, people listened to us and tried to help. We gave away four flyers to people who said they knew Kevin.

We didn't find him, and we walked for miles, looking. I have a better understanding of the homeless experience by having to look for Kevin, but my experience lasted only a few hours. Finding a place to get out of the sun is difficult, and all that walking is exhausting and hard on the feet. Kevin told me his feet are in appalling shape...he said I would be horrified by them. The places where people eat their meals are welcoming but smelly, loud, and unappetizing. Just surviving the day is hard enough...I can't imagine what it's like to try to make progress toward a job or a place to live.

We went back to my apartment and I began packing. My phone rang and it was Kevin. The network worked. I told him what happened over the phone and I asked if he would meet me for some coffee. I went and picked him up and we talked for a while. He said he wasn't in any shape to participate in the funeral. He said he felt guilty that dad died while he was still out, and that he had worried dad for so long. He said he would try to detox the next day. He said he would try again to get sober. He said he would call me in a few days to check in. That was a month ago. I haven't heard from him.

I was so sad to have to leave him, knowing how much it hurt to lose my dad and knowing that Kevin had to sleep on the street that night while he was hurting. Kevin's troubles break my heart. He's my little brother and he's a part of me. I can't fix him though. I can only pray for him.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

I Can't Believe It Either

Wow. What a difference a month makes. I totally deserted this site when things got rough. Here's the thing. My dad died. The very next day after I wrote that "don't go in the desert" post, my dad drove that 1989 Toyota Camry into the desert and it broke down on the interstate for some reason or the other. Dad left the Bay Area early that morning and by the time I got to my brother's house, dad had already gone. His car broke down after he had been driving for most of the day and he was pulled over on the side of I-5 at a callbox. He had called a tow truck for help, and he was sitting in his car waiting.

He was killed by a bad driver who lost control of her vehicle, a 2003 Camry. She hit his car at 76 miles per hour. Twice. Her front left fender went into the back of my dad's car, and then her car flipped around sort of whip-the-kitty and the rear end of the driver's side went into the side of my dad's car. Both of my dad's femurs were broken and he took a hard blow to the head, which killed him instantly. My sister got a call the next morning and she called me on my mobile phone. I was at the builders supply store in san francisco and I took it hard. I'll tell you about the rest of my day later.

---t
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