Home Again

I never blogged my response to the weekend away with the girls. You should be glad I spared you that. It is enough to say that I came home crying, filled with self-pity, and not because there wasn't any half-n-half.

Now I am home after an incredibly relaxing weekend in Napa Valley, where I attended a creative writing retreat. Don't worry for a minute that my writing improved. It just gave me some structured exercise and I think I wrote some kick-ass pieces. The best ones are about my childhood home. Maybe I will type one in here before I throw the stuff away.

If you have never been to Napa Valley, you are missing out on one of the greatest places in the world. Hot in the sunshine and cool in the shadows, Napa is bursting with green (and red and pink and yellow and violet and blue and orange). It is beautiful. I took today off and still have some time to relax. I also came home with an entire notebook page full of things I need to do. Everyone needs goals in life.

Should Have Mentioned

I was locked out of my blog again tonight. No typical username worked. It took a couple of tries before I realized I had registered under my "DRUNK USERNAME."

Foiled Again! But Not overcome

Watching the Aron Ralston story. DAMN! This guy cut off his own arm and I can't sweep the fucking city pad. Tomorrow I leave for a 3 day weekend with the goddesses. These are four of the coolest women I have ever met, and I met them when I was still in my teens. Some of these women even met my mother. Rare. I am summoning my strength for the weekend. Here are the challenges inherent in a weekend together with the goddesses:

1) No half-and-half. These women -- for some inexplicable reason -- put skim milk in their coffee. What is the Point. Of. That?

2) Limited red wine. These women are pregnant. OK, only 40% are pregnant, but that seeming minority colors the party factor in a severe way.

3) Attack on the amount of fat in my diet. I love eggs benedict. On the weekend I generally allow myself the decadence of breakfast in all its fat-filled glory. If it's not eggs benedict, it's eggs and sausage, eggs and bacon, WITH CHEDDAR. When I go on these weekends, I am on vacation, for fuck's sake. I need breakfast meats, and I don't need a load of shit for eating them. Putting honey on wheat germ pancakes is a sorry excuse for a real weekend breakfast. Particularly when you try to convince me that I should wake up at 6 fucking 30 (EST, not PST) to enjoy it. Life is short, people. Sleep late. Eat fat and exercise, that's my mantra.

4) I am the only one who is not in a relationship. This non-relationship situation is the way it is. But this is the first time I am the only one of the five of us who is not in a relationship. They are ganging up on me, whether they know it or not. Three of them are married. D has been a trusted compadre in the "single" front, giving weight to statements of single-dom. But since she moved in with G (like over a year ago), I feel I am unwillingly championing the cause alone.

5) Don't even get me started about the kid element.

So I am headed off to Nashville, Indiana. Leaving my precious Charlie to a mold-obsessed, pierced, 80's-rock-listening, unpaid dog-walker. More to come on this.

It's 3:15 and I Am Working From Home

Yesterday when I tried to do my second post I realized I didn't know my password. Or my username.

Why? Because when I started this blog I had already knocked back an entire bottle of wine and the next day I barely remembered writing AT ALL. It just goes to show it is safer to write in the middle of the day when I should be working.

But I have stumbled on a new business model -- DrunkBlog.com. It's for people who only get the urge to write when they are tanked. If you pass out with a blog window still open, it will post automatically and send you an email the next day. Subject Line: You Are a Total Idiot.

What Gets Me In Trouble

I finally responded to an email I got from a guy in my ski group, who was thanking me for "hosting a good season and a lot of fun" (I think he was there toward the end of the season when everyone had dropped the pretence of being a responsible adult who could pass a drug test). I wrote a heartfelt message to him, telling him he is a great guy and that everybody loved hanging out with him.

Today I got an email from another guy in the group with a similar 'thank you' and rather than re-write some unique, heartfelt message of another kind, I copied and pasted from the first one, changed up the details, and sent it.

I didn't realize that the WHOLE. FLIPPING. GROUP. was copied on the 2nd message and now the first guy must feel like he got a totally false, cookie-cutter response. But really it was the 2nd guy who got the false, cookie-cutter response! I meant it when I said it to the first guy:

"Thanks for your message! It was so much fun spending time with you this winter. Everybody said what a great guy you are, and I agree completely."

What a bunch of crap.

It is NOT a good idea to reply-all as a habit. It will get you into trouble.