Ka-put
Yesterday we finished it. He had asked me to dinner and I felt I had to remind him that we broke up. That I wasn't going out with him any more. And that the reason I wasn't going out with him is that I asked him to stop seeing other people and he wouldn't do it.
Somehow he didn't see things the same way. He said quit saying we broke up -- we didn't break up. He also said that we weren't together because I had asked him for a commitment. And that he was afraid of committing because of 3 things -- the trust issues I have, the fact that he feels rushed by me in this relationship, and the fact that I quit smoking just 4 months ago and could start again.
So I don't understand where he is coming from. We DID break up two weeks ago. And I wish I had the words to explain what I was asking him for -- a sacrifice, not a commitment. I think in his mind he was trying to qualify this relationship for marriage. Not like -- is this the kind of person I can see myself married to? but rather, is this the person I want to marry?
Either way, I was tired of talking about the same things and I was tired of yearning for him but not being able to be with him and I was tired of feeling partially rejected. So I told him that the time had come to just call it. I couldn't give him any more time. So he called it -- his answer was no. And I said well that's probably for the best. We're just different. And I thanked him for a really fantastic time and tried to say all that I had written in my letter to him. One of the last things he said is that he really respects me. I thought that was great. He also asked if he changed his mind would it be OK to call me. I said "of course," and I wonder if that's healthy. I also told him in a defensive way don't you dare call me unless that's what you have to say. He said he understood, we hung up.
I don't feel like screaming and crying. I'm sad for both of us, being broken and unable to have a healthy relationship with each other. If I had done things differently I wonder if everything would have turned out different, or if the outcome would be the same. I'll keep wondering for some time, I think.
Meanwhile I am trying to sign up for a group therapy thing in Berkeley, working on codependence. That's one positive thing that came out of the relationship with him. I am sure there are other positive things but I am hoping for one very negative thing.
Somehow he didn't see things the same way. He said quit saying we broke up -- we didn't break up. He also said that we weren't together because I had asked him for a commitment. And that he was afraid of committing because of 3 things -- the trust issues I have, the fact that he feels rushed by me in this relationship, and the fact that I quit smoking just 4 months ago and could start again.
So I don't understand where he is coming from. We DID break up two weeks ago. And I wish I had the words to explain what I was asking him for -- a sacrifice, not a commitment. I think in his mind he was trying to qualify this relationship for marriage. Not like -- is this the kind of person I can see myself married to? but rather, is this the person I want to marry?
Either way, I was tired of talking about the same things and I was tired of yearning for him but not being able to be with him and I was tired of feeling partially rejected. So I told him that the time had come to just call it. I couldn't give him any more time. So he called it -- his answer was no. And I said well that's probably for the best. We're just different. And I thanked him for a really fantastic time and tried to say all that I had written in my letter to him. One of the last things he said is that he really respects me. I thought that was great. He also asked if he changed his mind would it be OK to call me. I said "of course," and I wonder if that's healthy. I also told him in a defensive way don't you dare call me unless that's what you have to say. He said he understood, we hung up.
I don't feel like screaming and crying. I'm sad for both of us, being broken and unable to have a healthy relationship with each other. If I had done things differently I wonder if everything would have turned out different, or if the outcome would be the same. I'll keep wondering for some time, I think.
Meanwhile I am trying to sign up for a group therapy thing in Berkeley, working on codependence. That's one positive thing that came out of the relationship with him. I am sure there are other positive things but I am hoping for one very negative thing.
posted by Ponygirl at 7:19 AM
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