Immortal No More
I am going to miss the Zen Center tonight because the Berkeley group is meeting on Monday instead of Tuesday this week. That means I have an extra night free tomorrow and Hooray! I can give candy to the 1.2 million children who trick-or-treat in my neighborhood...we have a fire dancer on my block and he's a big draw. My biggest problem is that I've already eaten 1/2 a bag of Hershey's Miniatures and there is no stopping me on the chocolate. I will be giving ALL that candy away tomorrow.
It's too bad I'll miss the Buddhists because I certainly spend more time during the week thinking about the Zen lesson than I do thinking about the group. Last week we talked about sickness and death, and during the meeting I thought about my dad's recent death and my mom's sickness and death from malignant melanoma twenty years ago and thought yes, sickness and death are hard to deal with. In general, however, my thoughts during the meeting were: this has no real relevance to me. [Thankfully, I am immortal.]
At 38 and counting (one month from 39), I still feel strong and healthy. For that I am sincerely, deeply grateful. The aches and pains I get come from working too hard or skiing too hard (being as wild and stupid on the mountain as a 10-year-old) have all been temporary. But I am not immortal and it has taken a week to sink in. What about getting older? What about close friends my age who have tried like hell to conceive a child and have been unsuccessful? What about Dave's friend who has breast cancer and no insurance? What about Ken who was diagnosed with lung cancer nearly a year ago at 49 and who died from it last night?
What about Brainhell, a 43-year-old father of two with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, who commented a year ago in a heroically restrained way on my frightfully immature rant on how silly men look doing the stairclimber in the gym? I was reading old posts and clicked on his name and god bless him, he's got sickness and death sitting in his lap. I have spent 20 hours in the last 48 reading his account of losing his ability to run, to walk, to speak clearly, to hold his young son and daughter. And at my age he was still immortal too. God bless him, he is living with ALS, praying for something to reverse the disease, and demonstrating great dignity and love for himself, his family, friends, and strangers who read his story. I am praying for you and your family, Brainhell.
The lesson from the Buddhists last Monday have helped me understand in a more personal way that a day will come when my body fails me in some way. I am not immortal. I need to prepare myself for the knowledge that my great health, which I enjoy, will not always be here for me. It has been 11 months and 2 days since I stopped smoking cigarettes and I celebrate this gift of health I have given myself. I appreciate the Buddhists for helping me recognize the great gift that is even one more healthy day. I know people like Ken and Brainhell would give anything for it. God bless them, may they be happy, may all beings be happy.
It's too bad I'll miss the Buddhists because I certainly spend more time during the week thinking about the Zen lesson than I do thinking about the group. Last week we talked about sickness and death, and during the meeting I thought about my dad's recent death and my mom's sickness and death from malignant melanoma twenty years ago and thought yes, sickness and death are hard to deal with. In general, however, my thoughts during the meeting were: this has no real relevance to me. [Thankfully, I am immortal.]
At 38 and counting (one month from 39), I still feel strong and healthy. For that I am sincerely, deeply grateful. The aches and pains I get come from working too hard or skiing too hard (being as wild and stupid on the mountain as a 10-year-old) have all been temporary. But I am not immortal and it has taken a week to sink in. What about getting older? What about close friends my age who have tried like hell to conceive a child and have been unsuccessful? What about Dave's friend who has breast cancer and no insurance? What about Ken who was diagnosed with lung cancer nearly a year ago at 49 and who died from it last night?
What about Brainhell, a 43-year-old father of two with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, who commented a year ago in a heroically restrained way on my frightfully immature rant on how silly men look doing the stairclimber in the gym? I was reading old posts and clicked on his name and god bless him, he's got sickness and death sitting in his lap. I have spent 20 hours in the last 48 reading his account of losing his ability to run, to walk, to speak clearly, to hold his young son and daughter. And at my age he was still immortal too. God bless him, he is living with ALS, praying for something to reverse the disease, and demonstrating great dignity and love for himself, his family, friends, and strangers who read his story. I am praying for you and your family, Brainhell.
The lesson from the Buddhists last Monday have helped me understand in a more personal way that a day will come when my body fails me in some way. I am not immortal. I need to prepare myself for the knowledge that my great health, which I enjoy, will not always be here for me. It has been 11 months and 2 days since I stopped smoking cigarettes and I celebrate this gift of health I have given myself. I appreciate the Buddhists for helping me recognize the great gift that is even one more healthy day. I know people like Ken and Brainhell would give anything for it. God bless them, may they be happy, may all beings be happy.
posted by Ponygirl at 2:46 PM
1 Comments:
I clicked through to Brainhell way back whenever that was and read and read and read too. Man.
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